You know how people count seconds by saying “one Mississippi, two Mississippi”?

They’re using the word length to represent one second.

I do the same thing, but I count each second by the word “antidisestablishmentarianism.” It’s a word. Look it up.

Ergo, “one antidisestablishmentarianism, two antidisestablishmentarianism,” etc.

Consequently, my seconds turn out much longer, therefore time works differently for me. Fewer seconds in my day mean fewer years in my life.

Therefore, in actuality, I’m seven years old. Which explains my maturity level on this blog.