How does one decide the calories for pie? Ice cream?

You realize that someone, in a lab somewhere, wearing a pocket protector, has to decide how many calories go in that pint of mint chocolate chip.

There are probably some tests and machines involved or something, but I’m convinced they just eyeball it.

If that’s the case, put me in charge of it. Chocolate cake is 10 calories a slice, and ice cream is now 20 calories a pint, unless you’ve dumped or been dumped recently, and in that case, calorie free for you, my friend. Only those who are loved get the calories.