How to know if something’s a duck:

 

1. Ask yourself if something’s a duck.

a. If the answer is yes, then you are done. Feed it something. It’s hungry, you dick.

b. If you are unsure, please see #2.

c. If the answer is no, then you are done. It’s probably an alien. From the movie Signs, starring Mel Gibson.

2. Take a nap, have a spicy dream about Angela Lansbury, then kindly redo #1.