Just once, I want to go to one of those realtor open houses with a duffle bag and to-go burrito, go into the bathroom to change, and come out in sweatpants.

I would then plop down on the couch and turn on the TV while eating dinner, while pretending I live there.

I get 1 point for every minute the realtor lets me stay. And if they don’t stop me, maybe I just don’t need to pay rent at my apartment that month.