I swear if one more person says good morning to me with even the slightest lilt of cheeriness in their voice, I will stab them with my coffee stir straw.

I’ll never understand why someone tolerates mornings, much less relish them. People are stupid.

The only thing mornings are good for are sleeping. And occasionally waking up to winning the lottery or Publishers Clearing House at my front door. Which, admittedly, doesn’t happen that often.