So, you know how eating carrots gives you better vision? I wonder what other vegetables offers other superpowers.

For example, I can’t find which vegetable makes me not be so clumsy, such as better inner ear balance or the ability to spot the floor when it rises at me.

Or the vegetable to make me not a borderline alcoholic. Or one that makes me able to find a man and have stable relationships. I’m clueless which one.

Maybe beets. That must be it. It’s the only one I haven’t tried yet. Call Dwight Schrute. Send help.