So, I bought a box of twinkies as my secret stash. You know, for when I’m hangry or just generally want to harm someone.

It was supposed to be for emergencies. Rare uses only. Guess how many I’ve eaten? None. I’ve exhibited perfect poise and self-restraint.

Haha. Just kidding. I ate that whole box within two days of buying it. Nobody here really thinks I have that kind of self-control.

Nobody who buys twinkies for any reason has self control. None. Or self-respect, really.

Now, onto item two: cookie dough ice cream. I’ll be in the freezer if you need me.