I feel like there are too few arguments being caused over pizza slice sizes, such as who stole the largest piece, etc.

What would remedy this would be more confusion on slice size. Introducing Triangle Shaped Pizzas.

No longer will everyone receive roughly the same size slice or square of pizza. Now everyone has a new labyrinth of sizes to content with, from the tippy-tip piece that’s frustratingly all dough to the ass of the triangle that got squished up against the edge of the box when your high-as-a-kite delivery driver broke the autobahn speed limit on your residential backroad.

If nothing else, I could pretend that it’s a giant cheese-it and put it on my treadmill while putting my face down at the end of the runway and turn it on so that it flies into my mouth. That’s still a thing, right? Am I Tiktok-ing right? Am I millennial enough for this reference?

Just kidding, folks. I don’t own a treadmill.