I should be a priest.

But not a modern priest who has no fun. I mean one of those old-school priests. Like those rip-out-your-heart, call-down-meteors-to-crush-the-earth-if-people-disobey-me kind of priest.

I wouldn’t even need a funny hat. Don’t need it. Vengeful, raw maybe-magical powers is all I need.

*sigh* They just don’t make ’em like they used to. If anyone wants to join my new religious order, I’ll be happy to let you know where to mail the checks to. My religious icons will be cookie dough ice cream and the thimble from Monopoly.

I swear to God if you call dibs on the thimble before I do when we play Monopoly, I will overturn this entire table right now. Try me. I play the thimble…every…time.