I don’t drink coffee. I’ve tried. I’ve attempted to drink a coffee flavored cup of cream and sugar to get myself to like coffee. It doesn’t work. I still hate the taste.

The universe apparently hates me, and I’m doomed to walk around groggy for life.

If I run into the copier at work, that’s why, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

But hell, I don’t take responsibility for anything, anyway.