Oatmeal Makes My Insides Sad

I feel like whenever we’re talking about oatmeal, we should call it porridge.

My reason being: eating oatmeal should make a person sad, because it is sad. It’s like if you could distill my breakup in college with Bobby Smith into a flavor, oatmeal would be it. And frankly, porridge is the saddest version of its name I can think of.

England has it right. I think England already calls it porridge, so they’re ahead of the game. Let’s not borrow any other food names, though. Bangers and mash take things a little too far. Bunch of perverts.







4 thoughts on “Oatmeal Makes My Insides Sad”

  1. Sorry, but I have recently come to the realization and acceptance that I rather like oatmeal (I actually wrote a post about this awhile back). I suggest you add berries, walnuts, raisins, and brown sugar to cover up the taste of sadness.


  2. Great post! And I so get where you’re coming from. I’m at an age where eating oatmeal is strongly recommended by my doctor. But far from making me feel healthy, it just makes me sad. Every time I look at a bowl of oatmeal, my heart sinks and I think, “So, this is what my life has been reduced to?”

    And calling it porridge makes me think I am in the middle of a bleak Dickens novel … and not as one of the upper-class characters.


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