It really pisses me off when I have to rewash my hands three times when I’m in a public restroom and my hands, in the process, accidentally touch the sides of the sink.

I mean, f*ck me. I’m already a borderline germaphobe, and now you’re introducing me to a shallow sink? What kind of monster are you?

The only thing worse is the type of hand soap that doesn’t foam up. If it doesn’t foam, how do I know it’s cleaning anything? I like my soap extra foamy, like the rabid dogs in the woods behind my apartment.