I hate that I’m a person who loves eating oatmeal.

I don’t know why, but when I picture a person in my mind who loves eating oatmeal, I come up with someone completely different than me.

A picture someone who just got back from feeding the pigeons, wearing those weird gloves -3 fingertips, but who still has wooden mallard figurines so that she’s not too far from the birds.

She stores her pepper in her salt containers, because the store accidentally sold her two salt containers, and she’s too nice to return them. She gives away fruit cake on Christmas, not because it’s a sarcastic joke, but because she genuinely believes people still like fruitcake.

She watches Elf and Home Alone in the summer time and talks politics at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

She thinks Christmas trees give her cancer, so she wraps Christmas lights around her dog.

On second thought, I think I’ll skip oatmeal this morning.