I know this isn’t exactly dinner table conversation, but I find it interesting that I’ve trained my anus. I will explain.

I only have a bowel movement at home. I do not allow myself to perform the deed in a public restroom. I refuse. I will hold it by whatever means necessary.

Therefore, my anus is trained to perform at home. So whenever I’m out running errands and I feel the need, all it takes is passing by my neighborhood for that need to ratchet up to an urgent need.

I don’t even need to pull onto my street. All it takes is driving by within viewing distance and it makes my butthole clench.

You all think I’m kidding, but I swear. It has a mind of its own, and I have it well trained.