I’m really really glad that nobody I’ve slept with has been into butt stuff.

If so, I just imagine being very weirded out. I just imagine the anus staring at me like the eye of Sauron following me around the room, judging me. You can’t judge me. You’re the asshole here.

If I had to, I probably would, but I’d treat it like a CSI crime scene, including gloves, bulletproof vests, and test tubes.