I’ve rediscovered the show Kitchen Nightmares, and I’m in love. Not just with the show, but with Gordon Ramsay. He’s so hot in a weird, aggressive, British kind of way.

I just want him to yell at me during sex, telling me how bad my cooking is and how my restaurant’s a mess. And I don’t even own a restaurant. I barely ever eat at restaurants.

I just say “Yes Chef” so he’ll keep going.