For a brief minute or two, all four of the judges on America’s Got Talent were not American.

A guy named Ian from Scotland wanted to be a guest judge, so they temporarily booted Howie Mandel off. At that point, all four judges were from England, Scotland, or Germany.

There’s just something unpatriotic about that, like my eating a crumpet rolled inside an American cheese burger.

I’m going to watch some NASCAR and eat a deep-fried candy bar on a stick to get some of my patriotism back.